..fear of heights..

If I have a fear of heights then it is possible that I am not able to cope with being "on top of things". If I am more comfortable on the ground or at least having something to hold on to, then when I hit rock bottom emotionally and through my own delinquent behaviour I suppose I can deal with it.
I don't know, just don't know. Last night I lay down early to just be still, breathing normally-telling myself all the things I'm going to plan to do, convincing myself that I am in control of my choices. I set my alarm for 3 am to talk to my daughter before she headed out. After that I couldn't get to sleep............it's so hot in there no cross breeze, I was sweating and my feet hurt real bad.....
When I awoke this morning I took care of a few errands, but I was dazed-the humidity was awful in my non air conditioned truck. I went to the bank and got some money to pay for my rent for August here and gave it to him when I got back. I know that I am stalling, procrastinating and just bullsh*tting myself with excuses not to move forward.
This blog was not suppose to be about my personal feelings again..............but it has become that....it was to be about an altered state of reality.......Dam I screwed up again.